Three top-notch tricks to become the 'Best Captain' in Cricket

I will present three top-notch tricks which captains have successfully used in cricket to get the best out of their players. Not only in India but also the whole world. Sometimes it has also helped the opponents to perform well too. Captains over the world are now requesting the ICC to make these "tricks" as rules.

Disclaimer: The tricks mentioned below are practiced for years by professionals. Please don't try this at home/field/office/school.

Number 1:

Ask your “menace” player to hit your strike bowler with a bat.

Result: This is more of getting the icing with the cake. The "menace" player is banned and the affected player is match-fit. He will lead your bowling attack throughout the tournament. In fact, he will demoralize opposition and go on to become one of the best bowlers in the tournament.
{In reference to Mohammed Asif-Shoaib Akhtar-Shahid Afridi incident}


Number 2:

First make a team mate your "like" brother. Once you play for a different team treat him like your "half" brother. Congratulate him after the match. Wait for him to say "Hard luck!". The moment he says that slap him. Wait till he cries and them ask your coach to clap at his state.

Make him your "like" brother again. Convert an "on-field" matter to a "family" matter. Declare the matter over but raise the matter to your boss.
{This is also more of a WIN-WIN situation. Reminds me of the WIN-WIN model by Roger Pressman}.

Result: The captain gets banned for the rest of the matches. The "like/half" brothers hug each other. They stay in the same hotel room. The "half" brother tells that it wasn't a slap but a shake-hand in the "wrong" place. The "half" brother starts bowling excellently. Consistently picks up wickets in the future matches. In fact, commentators laud him and tell that his thought process is now "clear".

{In reference to Harbhajan-Sreesanth slapping incident}

Number 3: {This tops the list !}
First call your opponent a monkey. Then argue that you never called a monkey a monkey. Find out words rhyming with monkey and argue that you told those rhyming words in place of a monkey to a monkey.

Result: The whole country supports you. Monkeys are suddenly elevated from their status. Politicians use monkeys as symbols for their parties. There’s an emergency parliament session for the issue. Zebra crossings are changed to Monkey crossings. Monkeys are given 27% quota/reservation in zoos/sanctuaries. India wins the CB series.
{In reference to, Harbhajan-Symonds racist abuse row }